I don’t know whether anyone ever see this blog anymore, I hope they don’t because this is the only place I can write to you..
Dear fawwaz,
Words could not describe how I miss your presence. It’s true, we rarely misses the people we love until they are gone. But not you, you were there for me when I needed you.I know I have been selfish to my dearest brother, and now it’s too late. Your parting has hurt so many hearts, and it’s hurting mine so bad. The pain is so deep I just don’t know how long it will take to heal.
Everytime our families gather, you are by my side. When I’m hungry, you were there to eat with me. When I have no company to watch the movies, you were there to watch it with me. When I needed a ride, you were there to fetch me. No matter where I am, or how busy I was, you were there to remind me what family means.
I depended on you when everyone elses turn their back against me. I know lately I’ve turn my back against our family, and despite their silent complaints, you were there to give excuses for me. When everyone needed me and I was not there, you fill that responsibility for me.
Until now no one understands how your parting hurts me. You always said to me ‘dear cousin, why haven’t you picked up my calls’ and yet you always picked up mine. You would never hurt me, but why am I hurting so bad, brother?
When I see your lifeless body on the floor, my only wish, was that you were only sleeping and would wake up and tell us it was all a joke. It would be a cruel joke but I wish it nontheless just to hear your voice again. Why are your body so cold, brother? Why would you not wake up for me, brother? It’s cruel to make me see you like this.. They told me you were no longer with us, and of course I did not believe them, as you would never left my side.
Then they pulled me away from you, and then I realised it’s true, God has taken you away from me. I did not deserve you.
I know ‘you would hate seeing me like this’, a phrase I kept telling myself over and over again. I know you are at a better place, at His side, where the material world no longer matter. But please know, I am so sorry, no amount of tears may describe how sorry I am, for all my wrongdoings.
Your beloved
Jad
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